7: "I used to be a consultant, you know" Turncoat

This Bad Executive is an absolute pain the neck, the nethers regions and, most importantly, the ass. Quite simply, this one's like an anal fissure at the base of a hemorrhoid after you've been set upon by a group of bull queens in the state penitentiary. Who rubbed salt into the wound. Literally.

Here's the facts. Consultants do not have a God-given right to all the IQ and EQ that exists in the business world. Consultants do not have 100% track records of fascinating, stretching and fulfilling work. They deal with (and in) crap. Have you even read the rest of this site? Consultants deal with as much panic as the next office-place co-worker. Why?

Because they have to deal with Bad Executives all the time. And Bad Consultants. For the vast majority of the time, this is the mutual depreciation society.

Let's put it this way. Any time this idiot says "this reminds me of some work I did at..." just pull out a shotgun, aim it at them and pull the trigger. Then, stand over the body and politely remind it that it's paid to make decisions now.

Often seen with:
  • A PowerPoint slide consisting of boxes and arrows - badly formatted, of course
Tell-tale signs:
  • "Works from home" on Fridays
  • Focuses on hours per task rather than quality of output
  • Seeks exorbitant salaries for even the most junior member of the team
  • Spends more time explaining projects to the boss than actually delivering to time.
Favourite Saying:
  • "I'm sure I have some work from another client in my knowledge management databa... Oh shit... Can't we just fix HR instead?"
Puts faith in:
  • Connections at previous firm who can provide solutions at short notice without billing time via a purchase order.